Gym cojones*
If you’re fat too, you probably know what it’s like to worry about going to the gym/pool/for a run because of what people might think of your body. Hell, if you’re average or underweight you probably still know what it’s like. So every once in a while I take to whining about this fear, and my friends flock round to reassure me.
What they tell me most often is, “If anything, people will be thinking good things! Because you’re making the effort to get in shape!”
I never snarl, because I don’t want to be an ungrateful bitch when my friends are trying to be helpful (note well, if any of you are reading, I still love you). But the idea of people mentally patting me on my fat back just for going to the gym is ten times worse than the idea of some idiotic gym bunny sneering at me. Wouldn’t you rather be hated than patronised?
Overt fat hatred I can ignore on a day to day basis, because I know it’s bullshit. What I cannot bear is for people to chip away my pride and power with kindness and false respect. Sure, they respect me for trying to get in shape. Hooray for me, I’ve finally made the right decision, I’m on the true path now, I’m getting fitter and burning fat. Because of course I couldn’t have been happy with my fat. I couldn’t have been deciding to spend that gym membership money on delicious food instead. I couldn’t have decided I didn’t give a damn about muscle tone. I couldn’t actually be fit already and have muscles of frigging steel under this squidgy layer. Whoever heard of such things?
Respect me because I am a human being with the ability to make my own damn decisions, including the decision to be fat. You do not know me or my motivations. Don’t you dare make assumptions about my exercise habits and strength of will. And, y’know, perhaps I have been wanting to get fitter for a while and have only just scraped together the motivation to begin. It’s a possibility, among many. But I sure as hell don’t want you to be proud of me, unspeakably patronising stranger on the next treadmill along. If I feel I’ve achieved something, I’ll share it with my friends and family, who know me, what I want and what I find difficult. Everyone else can mind their own goddamn business.
*I am not expecting anyone else to find this title funny.
